5 Ways to Avoid Neurodivergent Burnout this Holiday Season

Trigger warnings: the holidays, overstimulation, family dynamics, self identity/acceptance

The holidays can be a time of joy, connecting, and celebration. For many, they may also be a time of stress, anxiety, and dysregulation. For the neurodivergent community, the holidays can be a masterpiece of overstimulation. On top of that overstimulation may be a layer of guilt or shame for not being able to enjoy the festivities the same way others do. Add in the extra effort of masking, and burnout can feel inevitable. As someone who has experienced neurodivergent burnout, I understand how extra exhausting it can be to navigate the overwhelm and shame that can creep its way in a little easier this time of year. This article encourages you to explore 5 ways to take care of yourself, or your neurodivergent loved one, to avoid burnout this holiday season. 

1. Sensory Regulation Breaks:

We live in an extremely sensory-rich world, and the holidays only amplify this. More smells, more sounds, more people, etc. For some, these extra stimuli are neutral, nostalgic, enjoyable even. For many neurodiverse folks, it can be a complete overload of sensations. When we are around family or friends for the holidays, many of us feel extra pressure to mask. Remember that you deserve to enjoy the holiday festivities just as much as anyone in attendance. That means, it is important to take care of you and your sensory needs when overstimulation inevitably occurs. Take breaks as you need in order to regulate your nervous system as best you can. This can look like:

• Leaving the room or stepping outside for a break

• Having fidgets or favorite objects available to you at the table, in social settings, during travel, etc.

• Bring noise canceling or dampening headphones

• Wearing sunglasses, blue-light blocking glasses, a baseball cap to dampen overstimulating lighting

• Bring food of your own that you know is comfortable to you if there is food being served that is potentially dysregulating or harmful to your system

• If there is a scent that is grounding to you, see if you can find it in a liquid form (essential oil) and place on your sleeve or a mask to smell as you need. I will get physically ill from scents while traveling, so I personally like to put drops of either peppermint or ylang ylang inside my mask, my wrists, or the collar of my shirt.

  2. Social Breaks:

Sometimes all the sensory regulation breaks in the world is not enough. The addition of so many people around the holidays can feel incredibly overwhelming, especially if these people are not in your typical circle and may be more difficult to be around. Take social breaks as needed. There can certainly be a pressure to spend time with family and friends for the entirety of the holidays; to participate in each activity. You are in fact allowed to take breaks. Opt out of certain activities or step out of the room. Our social batteries tend to drain way faster this time of year with social gatherings seemingly stacked on top of each other. If you are drained, it won’t be helping anyone, including yourself. If your phone battery died, you can’t keep talking/texting right? You’ve got to go recharge it. Tap into what percentage your social battery is at, and recharge when needed- preferably before the battery dies.

3. Ground in Your Authentic Self

For many, we visit with family or friends we may not have seen in a while around the holidays. Oftentimes when we reunite with people from previous parts of our lives, we tend to feel a need to revert to who we were during that relationship. That may not align with who you are anymore. Perhaps you have discovered a new part of yourself that clashes with old parts. Perhaps you intentionally stepped away from a previous way of being. That pull to go back to who we are can be strong, and may lead to more masking (which is exhausting and can be a freight train to Burnout-ville). Additionally, we may be coming into contact with people who have opinions on how and who we should be. This pressure of being someone we are not, or no longer are, can feel invalidating and deflating. This is your reminder that you have the right to self-advocacy, you have the right to be and express who you are, and you have the right to exist in ways that feel true and authentic to you- not others’ expectations.

Unfortunately, it is not always safe for everyone to present their authentic self around the holidays… I encourage you even more so to find ways to feel grounded in who you truly are and be a source of your own self love. 

If you are in environments that cause a sense of loss of self, explore ways to remind yourself of who you are such as: 

• Hold on to a tangible thing that has meaning and symbolizes aspects of your current self/life that you can keep with you throughout the holidays, like a pin, picture, or any other keepsake that represents your values. 

• Organize ways to stay in contact via text/phone with supportive people in your current life who are not physically with you, (i.e. friend, partner, roommate, etc.) to have as a connection to your authentic world that you may not presently be in

• Come up with a list of mantras to say to yourself in the bathroom, car, your mind etc. Some examples may be: “My needs are in fact valid.”   “I do not share that value anymore. My values are…”   “I know I am resilient, competent, and valid. Their views of me are not my true narrative.”   “I deserve kindness, love, and acceptance.”

  4. Set Boundaries

Steps 1-3 sounds nice, but easier said than done, right? Setting boundaries may arguably be the hardest part, but such an essential part of taking care of yourself and avoiding burnout during the holiday season. This is your reminder that you are allowed to set boundaries. Though it would be lovely if all boundaries were immediately accepted and respected, be prepared for your boundary setting to be met with push-back, guilt, or misunderstanding. Talking through your reasoning can be helpful, though other times no amount of reasoning will help, and instead you are forced to stand your ground. If your boundaries are not respected, repeat as often as necessary. Know that after all this, it still may not be received. It is also okay to say, “very well, I will not be attending since my boundaries will not be respected.” Your boundaries are valid, and your safety and comfort are priority.

5. Schedule in Recovery Time

Once the festivities are complete, it’s often “back to work/school/daily life!” For so many, the holidays are not a vacation, and a break is needed before returning back to the demands of everyday life. Find what helps you decompress, what grounds you, and what helps you recover. Make sure to intentionally schedule this time in. This might mean cutting your time with family/friends short, or perhaps taking a day or two off of work/school (if possible). Your system has been through so much. It not only deserves, but requires time to reset in order to move forward and avoid/recover from burnout. 

These “tips,” are by no means easy when we are so used to masking and enduring neurotypical spaces. Prioritizing your needs and existing as your true self around others can be a process of unlearning. Take the steps that feel right for you, while reminding yourself that you deserve to have a safe and enjoyable holiday, free of burnout and shame. Living in an ableist society does not consider the needs of the neurodivergent community, often resulting in us needing to be our own advocates. Remember a community that loves and accepts the authentic and unmasked you does in fact exist, even when you are not with those people. Your feelings are valid, and you are wonderful as you are.

I wish you all a safe, inclusive, accessible, and peaceful holiday season.

-Mikaila Vieyra, LPMT, MT-BC